Am I Settling?

This upcoming school year will be my fourth year as a high school teacher, and I have to admit that career-wise, this is not where I thought I would be at age twenty-seven. I guess I thought I would be doing something more extraordinary by now, but I'm not sure what I thought that grand profession might be. As I begin preparing for the next school year (yes, I am already making plans in July), I find myself trying to think ahead - not just about how I can do The Odyssey differently or how to make my history classes more engaging - but I try to see myself doing anything else other than working with high school students.  And I can't. But is my feeling of permanence in secondary education a true passion for the craft of teaching, or is it complacency and fear?

I remember when I first started teaching, lots of people, including my family and mentors from undergrad, would tell me that teaching high school is a reasonable place to start, but I should aim higher.  I could be a college professor (if I can ever get into a doctoral program!) at some prestigious university instead of teaching Romeo and Juliet to ninth graders, and part of me still holds on to this notion.  At the same time, I actually like working with teenagers.  Yes, they are immature and awkward, but most of them are hungry for guidance. After all, wouldn't you want someone who actually cares about your children teaching and advising them? 

Maybe I started teaching "by accident," but I am not still teaching by default.  There are lots of jobs that I'm qualified to do.  And while there are parts of teaching that make jumping off of a cliff seem like an inviting endeavor, I enjoy what I do on most days.  So, am I settling? Maybe to some people I am.  I mean sometimes I do miss researching and reading theory (and I'm not being sarcastic - I LOVE theory), but I like teaching, and word around campus is that I'm doing a pretty good job.  Most importantly, I'm happy. 

Reflections on the 15th Anniversary of Biggie's Death

I don't think I have blogged at all in 2012. I haven't really had a lot to say until now. Today is March 9, 2012 - the fifteenth anniversary of Notorious B.I.G.'s death, and I have seen so many facebook status updates and posts about him and how great of a rapper he was. While I'm not disputing any of these claims, the remembrance of Biggie brings about mixed feelings for me.

I can definitely remember what I was doing when I found out that B.I.G. had been murdered. I was in my sixth grade science class. In my middle school, we used to watch this news broadcast called Channel One. That day, Channel One did a breaking news story about how Biggie had been murdered. I was shocked and sad that he had been killed, but I didn't really understand how big of a deal his death was until later in my life. After all, I was an 11 year old who probably shouldn't have been listening to B.I.G. in the first place. As an adult, I listen to some of his songs bobbing my head and remembering the days when I didn't really listen to rap like that, but how I would dance along to the occasional Biggie song. I listen to some of his other songs cringing, wondering how I (or anyone) could really feel comfortable rapping along with those lyrics.

Even though "I got mad love" for Biggie, seeing all of these posts about B.I.G. makes me wonder...Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with remembering and celebrating such an accomplished artist, and I'm not going to pretend like I wouldn't ride around Richmond blasting some Biggie right now. But how many people who are posting about B.I.G. today posted ANYTHING celebratory about black artists or ANY black person last month, Black History Month? Who is going to post something in memory of a black woman tomorrow in honor of Women's History Month? Who even knew that March is Women's History Month? Who are the most influential black intellectuals right now? What issues are they bringing to the forefront? What are the most salient issues facing black people in our communities, and who's addressing these issues?

Better yet, why is it that, other than the Obamas and maybe Blue Ivy, the only people we (and by we I mean black people) celebrate are dead?

I'm not trying to pretend like I'm all righteous either; most of my status updates amount to my venting about my job. And I'm not asking anyone to stop posting about Notorious B.I.G. I'm happy for him and his family that he was able to make such a great impact on the world, and I am genuinely saddened by the fact that he died so young and in such a viscous way. Knowing about Biggie's life makes me respect him a lot more. I also realize that some people will argue that today is Biggie's day, so we should focus on him. I agree.

All I'm asking is that tomorrow, and next week, and next month we (and yes, I'm including myself) expand our levels of consciousness a little bit. Let's not forget about people who are still here making a difference in the world. We shouldn't wait until people die to celebrate what they have done and what they are still doing.

Black Don't Crack

This is a poem that I had published in The Atelier, our school's literary magazine.

Underneath these clothes lies black skin.

Black skin of a shade that never appeared on the Top 50 Sexiest List of People Magazine.

Black skin that isn’t even good enough to be objectified in a music video.

Black skin that never appeared on the faces of all those children in the books that taught me how to read.

Black skin that made me truly hope, even pray, that bleaching creams were not a myth.

Black skin that’s been called ugly, disgusting, ashy, repulsive.

Black skin that’s been compared to dirt.

Black skin for which I have been ridiculed.

Black skin with which I was born.

Black skin of which I have been taught to be ashamed.

Black skin that shows no evidence of a soul marred by internalized “-isms.”

Black skin that has taken a lifetime to love.

The Calling

Sometimes you just know when you are in the right place and doing the right thing. At the same time, you also know when you could and should be doing more or doing something differently. When I interviewed for my current teaching position, the moment I stepped foot on the campus, I knew that I would be hired because everything felt right. I had just been rejected from two doctoral programs, and I knew in my heart that this teaching position was the reason why. The idea of changing girls' lives while working in academia seemed absolutely perfect. Now that I'm teaching, after facing the challenges of being in a new place and then surviving the Winter Blues, I know that I'm doing the right thing, and I'm in the right place.

Girls who attend our school receive a top-notch education from highly qualified teachers (almost all of the 9-12 teachers have advanced degrees), and 100% of our graduates go to four-year colleges and universities. On top of creating an environment where students feel confident to be themselves and discover their abilities, our school gives teachers the freedom to develop and explore as well.

So, why do I feel conflicted? The truth is I've always felt slightly guilty about working in an independent school. Like most independent schools in the country, the school where I work comes with an expensive tuition price tag. While the school offers scholarships that can cover up to 90% of tuition, the majority of families pay SOMETHING for their daughters to attend. I know that my girls need me, but I also know that there are millions of children who do not even have the option to attend a quality school because they can't pay for education, and they live in a district with a failing school. Families should not have to pay for school for their children to have the chance at an education that will change their lives for the better.

Until this point, I have felt powerless to change the problems that I see in the public education system. After all, what am I supposed to do? Leave a job that I love and teach in a school system that's failing? Start my own school that will serve a limited number of students? Give up on teaching altogether? No. While I have no doubt that I am where I belong, I also have no doubt that I should be doing more. I have long recognized my calling to improve the lives of people all around me, to build communities and change perspectives. Instead of feeling guilty about working where I do, I am going to accept and use my talents as an educator and a writer to fight for our children, to fight for this country. I hope that if you read this you will join me in advocating for the rights of our children.

Five Jobs That Make Me Appreciate Being a Teacher

This has been a bit of a rough week in my life as a teacher. Only about three weeks into the new semester, I am already starting to feel overwhelmed. In my everyday interactions, I get the impression that people think teaching is not a difficult job. After all, we are teaching subjects that we know, so that should be pretty easy, right? Not really. As a teacher, I would say that only about 70% of my job involves actually providing instruction. The other part of the time is spent planning, going to meetings, doing after school duties, planning, and did I mention meetings? My day as a teacher does not end until I turn my brain off to get some sleep. And even then, I still confront my duties in my dreams. The difficulty in teaching lies in the fact that there is no real time clock.

So in an effort to consider alternatives before I take to complaining, I have compiled a list of other jobs with nonexistent time clocks that make better appreciate my job as a teacher.

5. Emergency Room Doctor – Even though I would take an ER doctor’s salary any day, I love my sleep. I love my Saturdays and my summers. If you work in the ER, not only do you not get summers or Saturdays off, you are obligated to be on-call. So you might have to leave in the middle of dinner, your favorite t.v. show, or even in the middle of rare significant other quality time. Not cool. I’m sure I could find time to spend the money if I were an ER doctor, but I am glad not to have a job where I am on call. I can turn my phone off and avoid my email like the plague.

4. Airline pilot – Many airline pilots are overworked and underpaid, kind of like teachers. ☺ Again, being an airline pilot would interfere with my quality sleeping time. I cannot remember being on a flight that was longer than an hour that didn’t make me fall asleep. But airline pilots can’t sleep on the flights, at least not according to their job descriptions. Pilots have to be alert and more importantly, they have to fly big ass planes with hundreds of passengers. No thanks.

3. Soldier – I think this goes without saying. Soldiers belong to an entity other than themselves. If they move up in rank, the pay is decent, but they pretty much have to go to war to get those top ranking positions. Even though I put my sanity at risk everyday by working as a teacher, I cannot imagine having to go out onto a physical battlefield with guns, bombs, and people trained to use those weapons effectively. I know that many soldiers make it out of war physically intact, but many don’t. Among those soldiers who make it home, many suffer from mental disturbances I would not wish on anyone. Hats off to the soldiers (and I mean soldiers in the actual military, not people from the ‘hood who are fighting for nothing).

2. President of the United States – Whether you love or hate President Obama, G-Dub, or Bill Clinton, you have to admit, the job of being the president is pretty damn hard. Talk about a job without a time clock. There are over 300 million people in this country who deserve protection under the constitution. Imagine having to be the person to make decisions like Harry Truman. Imagine having to figure out how to find money for programs to get the country out of a recession or a depression. I don’t even like balancing my own checking account, so I definitely would not want to balance a budget in an numerical range that I can’t even count to. (I mean I could if I tried, but I’m a teacher; I don’t have time for that). I don’t always agree with everything the president does, but I’m sure glad I’m not the one making those decisions.

1. Parent – This is the hardest job ever. At some point in life, I will take on this task, but right now I am content to not have to drop whatever I’m doing to tend to a person that I brought into the world. Being a parent never ends. You can retire from all of the other jobs on this list or quit them, but you can never quit being a parent. Even if you stop taking care of your responsibilities, being a parent is eternal. Taking care of a child is no walk in the park. Even if you have a well-behaved, obedient child, you still have to think about protecting that child from harm and comforting the child when you can’t protect her/him from everything. Making the decision to be a parent should not be taken lightly, and I have the utmost respect for parents who care about their children and have taken on this lifelong career with no time clock.

The Illusion of Post-Racialism

One of my favorite publications for updates on news and issues relevant to the black community is The Root. Earlier this week I found myself perusing the website for hours and an article entitled "Race Card Fraud" by Thomas Sowell caught my attention. Sowell's article begins with condemnation of the NAACP for claiming the Tea Party is racist. Now, I am not writing to speak on my feelings about the NAACP or to discuss whether or not I agree with the organization's allegations against the Tea Party. Instead, I would like to address Sowell's suggestions that President Obama is somehow hurting our country's racial climate.

According to Sowell:

"Among people who voted for Barack Obama in 2008, those who are likely to be most disappointed are those who thought that they were voting for a new post-racial era."

Upon reading this statement I wondered: How many black people (and ethnic minorities in general) voted for Obama because they thought we were moving into a POST-RACIAL era?

In order to understand why I take issue with Sowell's assumptions about Obama and post-racialism, let me explain how I feel about the term post-racial. On the surface, the term may sound inviting. However, despite a supposed emphasis on lack of racial differences, I feel the philosophy behind post-racialism shares the same laissez-faire racist attitudes of "colorblindness." In other words, post-racialism masks itself as equality when really the goal is to make privileged people feel less guilty about their advantages over everyone else. This ideology can be deemed racist because it trivializes the social meaning of skin color in our society. Therefore, the post-racial society of which Sowell speaks is one where black people and other oppressed minority groups will finally just shut the hell up about discrimination because no one "sees" race anymore. In a TRUE "post-racial" society, people would not be offered privileges or denied privileges based on skin color. While that situation would be ideal, it would be almost impossible in this country. Before we reach post-racial status, we have to acknowledge that racial inequality STILL exists in 2010 even though we have a black president. Minorities (not just blacks) DO NOT have EQUAL (and I stress the word EQUAL) access to opportunity.

Sowell goes on to discuss how Obama is clearly the opposite of the post-racial President his supporters thought he would have been:

"There is not now, nor has there ever been, anything post-racial about Barack Obama, except for the people who voted for him in the mistaken belief that he shared their desire to be post-racial. When he leaves office, especially if it is after one term, he will leave this country more racially polarized than before."

Can we really blame racial polarization on Obama? Is Sowell serious? I'm no historian (at least not a professional one), but I would argue that indigenous genocide, slavery, and the systemic oppression of minority groups have contributed more to racial polarization than ONE BLACK PRESIDENT who has been in office for less than two years! I think that Obama's presidency has resurfaced racial tensions because oppressors are afraid that Obama will empower the oppressed, and the oppressed are afraid that he won't. I do not believe we can fault Obama for equality struggles as old as this country.

Ultimately, I feel post-racialism in our country's present state remains an illusion. Before we can move to a POST-racial era, we must address and offer valid solutions within the RACIAL era (right now) in which society assigns social advantages and disadvantages according to racial groups.

The Master's House

The first time I ever read anything by Audre Lorde was during the summer of 2005 when I participated in a research program. In almost five years, I have never forgotten one particular line in one of her essays, "The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house."

Around this time last year I remember watching Obama's inauguration and the overwhelming sense of pride I felt watching all of those people stand outside in the freezing cold just to see Obama take his place in this country's history. I also remember saying that we had to be careful not to look at Obama as a political magician who would somehow wave a magic wand and fix everything that is wrong with this country. In the last two weeks I have read various commentaries about how many black people have expressed disappointment in the fact that Obama has not addressed race issues since he has been in office. Many of these critics believe that Obama is in a unique position to help black Americans since he is the President and he is black. Disillusioned voters feel that their high hopes have not been fulfilled.

I have to admit, I loved watching Obama during the elections. I found his speeches inspiring, and I even bought into the "Yes We Can" rhetoric. At the same time, I knew that Audre Lorde's statement would hold true - black president or not. "The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." In other words, it seems that the black people who had such high hopes that Obama would address race issues want to see radical change in how this country treats its black population. But we must remember that Obama CHOSE to run for president of this country, which means that for the most part, he is happy with the government structure the way it is. While he may want to make a few policy changes here and there, his goal in running for president was to live in "the master's house" - to be in charge of our so-called democratic nation. Unless Obama plans to pull a Fidel Castro I think it's safe to say that he does not intend to make any real changes to the government structure.

Beneath Obama's "Yes WE Can" lies the more subtle "No I can't." As president, Obama CAN'T revolutionize the treatment of black America. "Democracy" means that the majority rules, and the majority doesn't give a (insert four letter word of choice) about black America. As the leader of this democratic system, Obama cannot ignore the majority and therefore cannot address black issues on a national level even if he wants to on a personal level.

I do not intend this blog as a dis to Obama. I'm just pointing out that revolution does not occur within an already corrupted system.