How to Love...Yourself

For many people, self-acceptance can be a lifelong journey. For the majority of my life, I have battled with my image and trying to love and appreciate the body I see in the mirror as much as the personality who accompanies that body. As a young child I struggled with loving my skin color and my hair texture (both of which I currently embrace to the utmost degree), but my biggest self-image obstacle by far has been my weight. To the people most important to me, my weight does not and never has mattered. But to the teenage girl and later young woman bombarded with images and standards that do not match with who I am, I often find myself on the front line of the battle for self-acceptance.

A few weeks ago, the New York Times published an article called, “Bingeing on Celebrity Weight Battles.” Other than discussing celebrities’ battles with diets that don’t work, the article emphasized how American society stigmatizes people who are not thin, or otherwise called fat. Our society villainizes overweight people and attributes their weight to greediness or lack of motivation to lose weight. Such stigmas normalize discrimination and/or prejudice directed toward overweight people. Even those who have finally come to terms with the fact that they may never be thin can resort to a type of self-loathing and destructive criticism.

While I do support living a healthy lifestlye, I’m sure we’ve all learned in a health class at one point or another that being healthy means more than having a thin body. In actuality, being healthy does not necessarily require or produce a thin body. Sustaining a healthy body calls for developing and nurturing a healthy mindset and a healthy spirit, which can be complicated by societal standards and stigmas along with economic motives of those who profit from our insecurities.

I admit, ignoring media is impossible and futile. However looking at your reflection everyday and recognizing that you are just as beautiful (maybe more) as any starved media icon will open the door to self-acceptance. I want to live a healthier life, and if I lose weight as a result, fine. If not, that’s fine too. Losing weight is not worth losing me because after all the tears, angry diary entries, and edging on the brink of insanity, I do love me.

Education Woes

We cannot continue overlooking problems and think they will disappear. Last week, I began a new job as a math tutor in an elementary school. I enjoy working with my students, but I cannot ignore my issues with the teaching style prevalent at this school (and many other schools). Our students are being tested to death, and teachers are no longer teaching students. They are teaching tests. Therefore, our students are not learning how to think critically. They are only learning process of elimination, and some of them aren’t even learning that.

Test taking skills are valuable. You will need strategies when taking standardized tests that are meant to trip you up. These skills will help our students pass the abundance of tests they will take during their school careers, but they are not preparing students for college or the real world. Jobs, no matter how menial, require thinking beyond letters and bubble sheets. As far as college preparation, of the 133 credit hours I took in undergrad, I remember taking five classes at the most that had multiple choice tests, and they were difficult. I’m not completely opposed to multiple choice tests, but students need to develop skills beyond “slash and circle.”

I think there is an overall lack of agency surrounding the issue of public education in this country. Right now, people are so consumed with the economy, and for good reason. Unfortunately, it seems that there’s no room to advocate for students. Well, this is the truth: If we continue to ignore the fact that these tests are ruining our students’ critical thinking capability we can forget about ever coming out of this recession. What kinds of jobs will these children be qualified to do? Our natural resources are running out. The earth is becoming more crowded. People need food, medicine, and sustainable development. We need to be developing the next generation of problem solvers. This world is changing, and if we don’t get with it, we are going to get lost.

Passion vs. Goals II

To embark upon a soul-searching journey is to ask challenging questions and come to grips with sometimes harsh realities. However daunting, the process is worthwhile.

In the previous post, I shared some of my frustrations with trying to pick a career path. Sitting around waiting for the light bulb to finally come on was stressing me out. In the meantime, I was driving myself crazy, literally, and not really paying attention to how my neurosis was affecting other people.

When I was in undergrad, I used to attend all these events. I knew too many professors, and they were always inviting me to things. (Actually, you can never know to many professors if you plan on pursuing a career in academia, and you must accept their invitations so you can meet more professors.) Anyway, at one of these events each professor in the History department was asked to give words of wisdom to the graduating students. The only line of advice I remember from that day was, "Don't become obsessed."

I wanted so badly to follow that advice, but I think I was already to deep in my own obsessions to truly believe in anything different. Even though I have learned to deal with my perfectionism to some degree, I am still obsessive - mostly because there are so many things in my life that lie beyond my control.

Rational people know that stressing over things you can't control makes no sense. I, however, do not fall into that category of rational people. I used to be very rational before I ever flirted with the idea that I can make a career out of something I enjoy rather than being confined to the typical career paths I had previously envisioned. Passion has made me irrational, or at least my romanticized perception of passion.

Somehow, I developed the illusion that if I was passionate about something, everything would flow nicely. For example, if I was passionate about building homeless shelters, I would love every aspect of a job that allowed me to do what I love. People are quick to use that cliche, "If you find something you truly love, you will never work a day in your life." Well, that's the kind of bull contributing to my delusional views of passion. In reality, pursuing one's passion can be highly time-consuming, costly, and stressful. People who want to be doctors have to endure medical school first, and no matter how smart they are or how badly they want to be doctors, there are parts of medical school that they hate. This applies to any profession.

Aside from delusion, trying to live up to expectations outside of your own creates emotional tension as well. As I reflect upon decisions I've made in the past regarding how to best pursue my passion, listening to other people caused me to miss out on some training that could have been beneficial. I don't regret my decisions because I have learned invaluable lessons about myself and other people. Actually, it's only through realizing how much others' expectations affect me that I've been able to understand why my I found myself in such a state of instability.

I plan to continue working through my anxieties concerning my career and my future. I know that God has been opening my eyes, my heart, and my mind and helping me build confidence in my ability and my judgment. I will join the ranks of the rational once again, but I'm bringing my passion with me.

Passion(s) vs. Goals

In an effort to deal with my procrastination problem, I checked out a book a few months ago. I don't remember the name of it, but the authors of the book pointed out some reasons why people procrastinate. As I read this book I reflected upon when my procrastination problem began to spin out of control, which led me to a self-evaluation of sorts. Over the past few months I have been doing a lot of writing (though some of that I'm not sharing without a copyright) as a means of both analysis and catharsis. This is just another piece of my cathartic process.

A couple of years ago, I was having a conversation with my best friend about goals and passion(s), and I remember saying to her that I could not understand how a person could live life without passion(s). Now, I'm not saying that she lacks passion(s); she clearly enjoys life. However, at the time I felt that she lacked goals and offered that as an explanation for why things in her life seemed so confusing. But now, two years later, I understand exactly why she was so conflicted by being caught in a tug-of-war between her own heart and everyone else's expectations.

At the time of our conversation, I was confusing passion(s) and goals. My assumption, in my naivety, was that if you could discover the things you are passionate about, then the goals would automatically exist. I've learned that, at least for me, this isn't true. There's a difference between something you like to do, a hobby, and something you plan to do, a goal. Even though I have discovered and developed my values and passions, I don't have any career goals that involve a concrete employment field or even a job title. I know that may sound silly, but I'm beginning to realize that throughout undergraduate school, I never had a career goal - only suggestions from others.

Recently, I've been trying to figure out what kind of career would make me happy. When I started teaching last year (currently I am not teaching), I went into the profession with an open mind. Teaching was not what I had planned to do with my life, but I actually hadn't PLANNED anything. I remember several people including former professors, friends, and some family members saying to me, "You're too smart to be a teacher." Now, while I appreciate the compliment and somewhat understand their intent, what exactly am I supposed to do with that? Become a rocket scientist? What kind of job does a "smart person" have? And even though many of my former colleagues are not smart (I won't call names), some of them are (shout out to Jessica and Keith). And wouldn't you rather a smart person teach your children than a person who is just average or below? I am not saying that I definitely want to be a teacher, but I am also not saying I definitely don't. If do decide to go back into the education field or if I decide to work in another profession, I don't want people to look down on me as if I'm settling. Better yet, I have to stop caring whether or not they think I'm settling.

After much thought, I'm still not all that sure what career I would like to have. I don't plan to stress over it any further. I do know that I would like for my passions and my goals (whatever they may be) to cross paths sometimes. Even though pursuing my passions in a career would be ideal, I realize that all of my many interests might not be addressed in a job setting, and passion does not always have to take the form of a career. Whatever decision I make will be my own. I have at least learned that much.

A Reflection on the Year's Biggest Event Thus Far

I realize that I had not done a post in 2009. I was going to do a New Year's Resolution post, but resolutions are kind of out of style, and my resolutions for this year are kind of personal. I also realize that my last few posts have been a little on the sarcastic side. While I plan to keep those witty ones coming, I want to use this post to reflect on the inauguration of Barack Obama.

Now, I know that millions of people have blogged about this same topic with various points, compliments, and maybe even insults. My original intent was to publish a post about the inauguration on Wednesday, but now I see why I have waited.

Today, I attended a Brown Bag discussion at my university where one of my professors was giving a talk about Barack Obama. Obviously, he discussed Obama's inauguration, but the thesis of his presentation was about Obama's book Dreams From My Father. The professor's main goal was to project the idea and concept of bi-culturalism in Obama's work and to interpret Obama's journey in self-identity as a Black man.

At the end of the discussion, a woman of mixed heritage, like Obama, discussed how she felt disappointed by the fact that media referred to Barack Obama as African-American throughout the inauguration coverage without acknowledging the fact that his mother is white. Later on, a friend of mine mentioned this same issue, and so now I want to provide my response to that.

I have to admit, in my wanting to claim Barack Obama (and Michelle Obama) as a product of Black progress, I felt offended that people would try to minimize such a huge moment in Black history. But then, I reflected upon my emotional response to their sentiments and realized that in my desire to only see the black side of Obama, I am belittling and minimizing the experiences of biracial/multiracial people. That is not what I aim to do at all, and so even though I did not actually say anything about my monopolizing Obama's blackness to these individuals, I want to apologize for my short-sighted response.

Now, please don't get it twisted. I take pride in Obama's election, and I take pride in the Obama family living in the White House as a Black family. While I understand Obama's genetic and cultural heritage, I feel that because a significant part of his heritage and self-identity is Black that he represents, and if not represents, understands my struggles/issues/concerns as a Black person. In his book, Dreams From My Father, Obama does not deny his white lineage. At the same time his identity struggles have been based on the conflict between his outer appearance and his genetic reality. Biologically, race does not exist. Genetically, there are more differences between fruit flies than there are between humans. But socially, race exists and it matters. When people SEE Obama for the first time, they do not SEE his white mother. They SEE his brown skin. That is the reality of our society.

With all that said, the fact that people are even engaging in this conversation proves that we are NOT in a post-racial society as the media so often inaccurately report. Race still matters, and it should, but in a way that celebrates culture, not in a way that ignores and/or erases culture.

Airport Ettiquette

So, many of us are (or have been) traveling this holiday season, and we all know how interesting the airport can be. Some things, such as delays and cancellations, are really out of our control. We cannot control the weather or the planes' functionality, so those things we just have to suck up. However there are things that we can control, and I would like to touch on those a little.

1. If your plane leaves at 9:50, and you get to the gate at 9:40 and the door to the plane has closed, you are NOT early. Please do not scream to the top of your lungs about how it's not fair that you missed your plane because you were in the airport since 4:30 in the morning. No one cares. However, we are all going to be uneasy about the fact that you are making a scene. There is no need to curse and call people names because you can't tell time or do math.

2. Please try to wear as little cologne or perfume as possible, especially if it smells like bug spray. I know you want to smell good when you get to your final destination, but no one else wants to smell you. And once the smells start mixing together, that can cause some serious stomach upsets. So please, keep the fragrances to yourselves or at least wait until you are in a more ventilated area.

3. Please control your children. I love children, and I think they can be really cute and funny. I do not love when children are running through the airport like it's a playground, bumping into me and stepping on my feet, and kicking my seat on the airplane. Teach your children some manners BEFORE you arrive at the airport.

These are just a few pointers that will make everyone's trip more pleasant. Thanks.

Santa Claus is NOT coming to town!

I know that some people are going to be mad at me for writing this, but I believe in the truth.

When I was younger, I used to get very excited about Christmas. All the seasonal music and decorations gave me that cliche warm, fuzzy feeling inside. I loved to go Christmas shopping and picking out the perfect gift for those close to me, and I won't lie; I also used to love receiving those perfect gifts.

Now, I am not completely anti-Christmas. I do enjoy the celebrations and family gatherings. But looking at how commercialized and fake Christmas has become (or has always been, and I just never noticed) literally disgusts me. What annoys me the most is how people lie to their children about Santa Claus and have them sit on his lap at the mall and ask for Christmas gifts. The myth of Santa Claus places unnecessary pressure on parents/guardians to buy certain gifts for their children that they may not be able to afford.

Hypothetical situation (and I know that's a fragment, but work with me). Little Johnny makes straight A's in school, never talks back to his parents, and does all his chores. Meanwhile, Tom fails all of his classes, curses at his parents, and mutilates neighborhood pets. Johnny asks Santa for a bike and Tom does too. Johnny doesn't get a bike because his parents just don't have that kind of money this year. Tom's parents are swimming in money, so he gets a bike, a Wii, and a whole bunch of other stuff that he will never use. Where is the justice in that Santa? I know that money is not an issue for everyone, and I am not suggesting that people who are economically stable should not buy their children nice gifts. But if we are going attribute the gift-giving to Santa and his little list, then we should change "naughty" and "nice" to "rich" and "poor." An even better suggestion is to stop lying about Santa.

Some people will say, "Well Santa is a part of a tradition." So was slavery. That doesn't make it right. Telling children that Santa doesn't exist will not rob them of their innocence. There's nothing innocent about a man who gives gifts based on income.

Others might say "Well, you have to make sacrifices for your children." I speak from personal experience, my mother may have paid for my Christmas gifts by sacrificing paying bills, but I would rather her not be in debt trying to "play Santa." Children inherit the debt of their parents, so would you rather your children inherit your debt or inherit your love and values?

Think about it.