In an effort to deal with my procrastination problem, I checked out a book a few months ago. I don't remember the name of it, but the authors of the book pointed out some reasons why people procrastinate. As I read this book I reflected upon when my procrastination problem began to spin out of control, which led me to a self-evaluation of sorts. Over the past few months I have been doing a lot of writing (though some of that I'm not sharing without a copyright) as a means of both analysis and catharsis. This is just another piece of my cathartic process.
A couple of years ago, I was having a conversation with my best friend about goals and passion(s), and I remember saying to her that I could not understand how a person could live life without passion(s). Now, I'm not saying that she lacks passion(s); she clearly enjoys life. However, at the time I felt that she lacked goals and offered that as an explanation for why things in her life seemed so confusing. But now, two years later, I understand exactly why she was so conflicted by being caught in a tug-of-war between her own heart and everyone else's expectations.
At the time of our conversation, I was confusing passion(s) and goals. My assumption, in my naivety, was that if you could discover the things you are passionate about, then the goals would automatically exist. I've learned that, at least for me, this isn't true. There's a difference between something you like to do, a hobby, and something you plan to do, a goal. Even though I have discovered and developed my values and passions, I don't have any career goals that involve a concrete employment field or even a job title. I know that may sound silly, but I'm beginning to realize that throughout undergraduate school, I never had a career goal - only suggestions from others.
Recently, I've been trying to figure out what kind of career would make me happy. When I started teaching last year (currently I am not teaching), I went into the profession with an open mind. Teaching was not what I had planned to do with my life, but I actually hadn't PLANNED anything. I remember several people including former professors, friends, and some family members saying to me, "You're too smart to be a teacher." Now, while I appreciate the compliment and somewhat understand their intent, what exactly am I supposed to do with that? Become a rocket scientist? What kind of job does a "smart person" have? And even though many of my former colleagues are not smart (I won't call names), some of them are (shout out to Jessica and Keith). And wouldn't you rather a smart person teach your children than a person who is just average or below? I am not saying that I definitely want to be a teacher, but I am also not saying I definitely don't. If do decide to go back into the education field or if I decide to work in another profession, I don't want people to look down on me as if I'm settling. Better yet, I have to stop caring whether or not they think I'm settling.
After much thought, I'm still not all that sure what career I would like to have. I don't plan to stress over it any further. I do know that I would like for my passions and my goals (whatever they may be) to cross paths sometimes. Even though pursuing my passions in a career would be ideal, I realize that all of my many interests might not be addressed in a job setting, and passion does not always have to take the form of a career. Whatever decision I make will be my own. I have at least learned that much.
